8 obscure costumes that casually say "i think i'm the most interesting person at this halloween party"
what's the point of dressing up if you're not going to be annoying about it?
Halloweekend is upon us. Chances are, if you’re planning on wearing a costume, you’ve already picked it out. But maybe you got a last minute party invite. Maybe your boss just told you costumes are allowed on Monday after all. Maybe your easily recognizable Marvel/Stranger Things/House of the Dragon/other popular IP outfit felt a little too recognizable on Friday night. Whatever the sitch, here are eight costume ideas to make everyone say “wait, what are you again?”
James Bond, the ornithologist
Did you know that Ian Fleming named his soon-to-famous self-insert spy after an American ornithologist? Fleming, a bird watcher himself, had a copy of Bond’s book, Birds of the West Indies, and decided that the “brief, unromantic, Anglo-Saxon and yet very masculine name was just what [he] needed, and so a second James Bond was born.” It’s a fun fact to share with everyone, while subtly conveying that you know more about pop culture than they do. Personally, I would model my costume on the above photograph: suit, bowtie, pipe, and a taxidermy bird if you can get one on short notice.
A blue rectangle from Alma Thomas’s Stars and Their Display
In the 70’s, Alma Thomas created a series of paintings inspired by the recent moon landing and Mariner 9’s exploration of Mars. Unless you went to art school, your friends probably aren’t super familiar with her work, so this a fun chance to seem more cultured than your loved ones. The costume itself is easy – wear a blue shirt and pants, with either a neon pink or yellow belt. Voila! You have become abstract art.
A canvasser for your local NPR affiliate
There are a few tried and true methods of broadcasting I Am An Intellectual to your immediate surroundings: reading literary fiction on the train. Carrying a New Yorker tote bag. Repping NPR. This is the ideal costume for someone who already owns an NPR shirt, but if you don’t it’s not that hard to print out a logo and slap it on. Pair with a clipboard, comfy walking shoes, and the distant gaze of someone who’s knocked on hundreds of doors already today, and you’ve got yourself a costume. Alternatively, you can always go as your favorite show’s host. I heard a story once about Terry Gross being rude to children if that helps you get into character.
Phillies bullpen catcher Hector Rabago
The Phillies are in the world series baby!! It’s a great time to live in Philadelphia. Every Halloween party in Pennsylvania probably has at least one dude in a Harper or Segura jersey. But if you wanna beat the fair weather fan allegations (I, personally, know I am not) you can always shake things up by going as one of the team’s two bullpen catchers, Hector Rabago. This dude is verified on twitter but only has two thousand followers. Read through the wiki page for bullpen catchers, throw on a jersey, and tell everyone who will listen that you’re not like other baseball fans. Even if you’re not into the Phillies, the world series is happening right now, so this is the most culturally relevant way to casually prove that you know more about sports than everyone else.
Bonus! Make it a couples costume: your partner can be the other bullpen catcher, Brad Flanders.
Recently disgraced literary magazine Hobart
This is a great option for anyone who wants to show that they’re not just an intellectual, they’re also active on indie lit mag twitter. A few weeks back, Hobart editor Elizabeth Ellen published a long, dull yet offensive interview with writer Alex Perez, who complained about how “woke” everything is these days. (I’m not linking to it – don’t bother.) There was backlash online. Elizabeth Ellen’s previous bad behavior was brought to light. She compared herself to Hillary Clinton on twitter. A bunch of the magazine’s other editors quit. Contributors pulled their work from the site. Basically, the whole thing collapsed. It was the only thing a very specific group of people talked about online for a few days. Throw on a lacy black dress or another similar basic indie sleaze look and draw that logo on like a tattoo. Pose with a cig and look disaffected.
Corporal Klinger as Moses in season 4 episode 10 of M*A*S*H
This is the perfect costume for fans of the “um, actually.” Lure them in with the apparently obvious Moses costume, and hit them with the “oh, you don’t remember the M*A*S*H episode Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?” They’ll probably be so confused that they’ll let you tell them the whole plot of the episode – the traumatized patient who thinks he’s Jesus, the pysch consult from fan favorite Sidney Freedman, fucking with the CIA, the soldier’s eventual discharge, and the return of sitcom levity in the tag scene as draftee Klinger, forever in search of a discharge of his own, claims to be Moses. Have this video queued up on your phone at 3:05 and make everyone watch it. You’re opening the door here to be annoying about three different hot topics: religion, politics, and what makes for effective satire.
(If you’re into the costume-within-a-costume thing but you’re not feeling religious, you can always go for Klinger as the Statue of Liberty in season 3’s Big Mac, or BJ as a slutty clown in season 11’s Trick or Treatment.)
A ballot question in your upcoming local election
It’s election season once again! Others have done the ballot box, but this is your chance to get specific. Lots of states and cities have initiatives on the ballot on November 8th. You’re basically just wearing a cardboard box, so you have plenty of space to include all the language of whatever initiative you choose. Some states are proposing constitutional amendments codifying abortion access. Philly’s voters have two city charter amendments to choose from – one proposing a new Division of Aviation and one about the civil service exam. Either way, you’ve got one sexy costume! If you wanna be interactive, make a slot in your box and carry paper with you so your friends can vote.
Sincerity/the death of irony
An age of post-ironic sincerity is dawning. Engaging with the media we like through a hundred layers of irony has gotten exhausting, and people are posting cringe on main again. Embrace the death of irony. Wear merch for your favorite embarrassing franchise – a Team Edward shirt perhaps, or a TARDIS dress circa 2014 tumblr for the truly bold. Make a tombstone out of cardboard and write “irony” on it. That’s it. It’s really not that deep, but you can act like it is when people ask you about it.
And there you have it, eight technically wearable costumes that prove you’re not like other girls. As a sick & sober killjoy, I won’t be dressing up this Halloween, but if I was I’d probably be annoying about it too. Have fun, stay safe, keep it spooky.
xoxo,
Franny 💋🎃
So good